So I did it. I finally went to a movie by myself. Its funny, I thought I had gone to one many years back when I was in my secret PhD program at Maryland that I left almost as quickly as I was accepted. Long story not worth going into here. Either way, I was wrong. I remember picking the film, getting there early but then running into a friend in the lobby and sitting with her through the film. So nope, didnt count.
This week though, I did make it to my own movie. Let me first say that the movie was not that great and about an hour too long. But I chose it and I went alone and that's what counts. The theater was filled, well half-filled on a Thursday night with cuddly couples seeing the chick flick I selected. No surprise there. Seat selection was tough. I was trying to decide whether I should space myself out in the back row alone to prove I didn't need socialization but I copped out and chose a seat in the middle just a few seats from an older couple. Gotta have a good view.
I bet an afternoon matinee would be more of a welcoming movie to see alone. This was a bit frightening for me. Parking in the parking garage, walking alone at night through downtown which was filled with shoppers and diners was totally fine. It was the post-movie walk back, alone and in the dark, that sort of spooked me. The movie itself was fine. I chose a movie I wanted to see without having to trade my husband for a sci-fi action packed, men toting guns movie in the coming months. Win. I enjoyed the time to myself without needing to talk to anyone or stay for the credits at the end. Although I did miss having the almost mandatory discussion during the coming attractions of whether any of the upcoming films looked good enough to see.
All in all, it was a fun time to myself. A bit lonely and scary wandering the streets at night, but a bit empowering too. Time to myself is hard to come by these days and I am happy to have this month to force myself to get out there and try to get comfortable with the quiet or at least the alone time. Its nice to have alone time that is chosen and planned for, not handed out by default. I say this amidst a tough month and an especially hard week where I get to see my husband awake and interactive between the hours of 5 and 7pm. Thats it. Let me tell you, it rocks. Ok, not really.
The whole concept of someone "choosing" to be by themselves always sort of confused me. I mean I'm social so why would I chose to be alone when I could be with a family member or friend? I guess its sort of like the mindset of people who refuse to be single. But I remember now what it was like in high school, college, grad school, etc. choosing my own path, my own schedule, my own gambles. Sometimes I wear the mom hat or the wife hat so long that I forget that I don't cover my hair anymore. Ok Jewish joke out of the way. No but seriously, its great to get down to my roots, redirect the train every once in awhile besides the late night tv watching, snack eating schedule that has become my nights alone.
So here we are folks and where are we? Still in the middle of this adventure. Next up will be a meal out on my own and who knows what else I will discover when I give myself the time and space to think. I kind of like knowing that I have this time to explore my deepest thoughts or to tune out completely to things around me and just float through the experience. Sometimes things are over-thought, over-planned, over-anticipated and its nice to just be. Yeah that's what its about. Just being in the moment as you are. How many chances do we really have to do that? I, for one, am ready to find out.