I know the point of this blog is to share my monthly experiences taking on a new goal or fear per month and share the highs and the lows, the ups and downs with all of you. Its my way of taking pictures to remember my deepest thoughts, stay on top of the moment as it arises and have something to look back on at the end of all this.
But many people simply use a blog as a diary. A very public diary depending on how many people follow your posts and you open yourself up a bit to the outside world. People can see how you think, how you express yourself and often times, blogs go a little too far. We've all seen those photos on facebook that we cannot believe people posted. You know, if your boss saw those, you may not have a job on Monday morning. Sometimes blogs go too far as well. You share a story about an old relationship gone sour or that family reunion that didn't end too well. And guess what, your old love stumbles upon your blog or that family member checks in and bam: too much information shared often in the heat of the moment and you can't take it back.
Well, forgive me tonight for using this sacred space, that I share with all of you, to open myself and my mind up to my innermost thoughts. Its not news that I am Jewish or that I lived for a few summers (high school, college) and a few years (newly married) in the land of Israel. I've considered relocating (making aliyah as Jews call it) and always have that deep place in my heart that knows its where I long to live.
That being said, I am American through and through. Not just because I was raised here or my family is here. But because I have that whole "I'm American and I am entitled to x, y and z." I believe if you work hard, in school/at your job, it pays off. You earn a fair and decent living and you can be successful. I am very western in my thinking and very open to freedom of religion and especially freedom within Judaism for us all to practice in our own ways.
I have had little stance on settlement building. Two state solutions and various political parties in Israel. Yeah I admit to being an environmentalist at heart but I wouldn't say I'm a staunch green party supporter. I'm just not that politically minded. I sort of like just being. Living in the moment and living somewhat care free.
However, over the weekend, during the Jewish holiday of shabbat, a family, with children, living in Israel, was murdered. Whether it be because they were religious or living in a settlement in the West Bank. It doesn't matter to me. Two parents and three little kids including a 3 month old baby were taken from this world in the most heinous of crimes. Since hearing the story, I haven't been able to sleep. My mind is racing with thoughts of how it happened. And now I've heard photos of the crime have surfaced somehow online. I keep looking at my children wondering if that could be us. If that could be a family I know. If I could ever move there, to a place where something like this could happen. Did the parents go first or the kids? Did the mother know what was happening to her children? How can one possibly comprehend these acts of terror? All I pray is that everyone was taken in their sleep, without knowledge, without pain.
I am quickly reminded that acts of violence occur everywhere. And right down the road in Baltimore is the murder capitol of the USA. Crimes like this happen all the time. In fact, Israel has one of the lowest interpersonal crimes/murders/rapes than most places in the world. Main crimes are stealing and auto theft. I have always felt safe walking around there at night. Feeling like I am part of the family in the Holy Land.
Since last night, I havent' been able to shake the feeling that Jews aren't safe anywhere. And I have had the urge to blanket my children in love today like never before. I pray that my nightmares go away soon. That I can block out the reenactment of these crimes which runs round and round in my head. Tonight I will tuck my kids in tighter, hug them a little longer and lock the door to my apartment a little stronger. Truth is, nothing can bring back those who have been taken out of this world. But in their names and in their memories, I will pick my head up and go on. May their memories be for a blessing. May their souls ascend to heaven quickly. And may their surviving children only know a future of peace.